Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
