I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
