This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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