hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
