I think my fart just growled at me.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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