Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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