so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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