that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
