is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
