I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
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