I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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