I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
