I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
