just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Randomize
