you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
