God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
