I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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