Will you blow on my dice?
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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