Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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