I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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