Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
