God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
