My liver just broke up with me...
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Less talking, more tequila
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize