from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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