I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
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