Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
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