i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
