a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
