there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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