She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
