so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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