its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
