That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize