I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Randomize
