New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Randomize
