I feel great
I just peed on a car
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
