im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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