be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
