it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
