How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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