Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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