Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Holy shit dude........stairs
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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