why didn't you poke me back
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize