actually, I'm a sock model
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
