Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Randomize
