I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
