I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
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