I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Randomize
