He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Randomize
