R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Randomize
