we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
