Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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