at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
