So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Randomize