Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Randomize
