Fuck appropriateness.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Randomize
