before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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