She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
