if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
