I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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