My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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