Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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