You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
