New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
