actually, I'm a sock model
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
We are all done wearing pants today
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