You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Randomize
