He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
He's a Shit stain on my heart
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
