Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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