My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
