since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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