i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
