I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
