I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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