girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize