wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
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