And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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