By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
