i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
