you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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