Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
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