You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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