first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
