I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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