Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize