One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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