I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
