Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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