Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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