im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize