Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
3 2 1 whiskey
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
