wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
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