I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
