The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
