So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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