Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
