White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Randomize
