Betty ford says i'm here all night
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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