Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Randomize
