If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
