So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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