I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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