I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
