I got chris browned last night
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
