I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
