i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Randomize
