her vagine was all disorganized.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
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