awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize