I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Where is the hickey?
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
