I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
