I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
