HIV tests are more positive than that guy
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
