"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
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