my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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