i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
