In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
