I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
