when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
