Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I have already put on my inside pants.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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