Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
