Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
