Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
