Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Randomize
