you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
